


Weight of the World

by LtTanyaBoone



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Character Death, F/F, Gen, s2 spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-14
Updated: 2014-03-14
Packaged: 2018-01-15 17:03:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1312507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LtTanyaBoone/pseuds/LtTanyaBoone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"“It’s okay,” Delphine tells her and Cosima wants to yell at her that it’s not, nothing is okay, because she’s a freak experiment of some deranged scientists that never paused to question if they really should do this even though they could." - SPOILERS FOR SEASON 2!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Weight of the World

**Author's Note:**

> **Do not read this if you have not seen the Season 2 sneak peeks and are unfamiliar with the new clone! This is not a spoiler-free story!**

**Disclaimers:** Orphan Black, the rights to the show and its characters do not belong to me. No money was made by this.  
 **Spoilers:** every spoiler released for S2 SO PROCEED WITH CAUTION  
 **Pairing:** Cosima Niehaus/Delphine Cormier kind of I suppose...  
 **Rating:** FRT

* * *

Cosima used to think that working with DYAD would be easy. That she has a moral compass strong enough to withstand the influence of these crazy people. But now, after the discovery of Jennifer and them still not having managed to find Kira, Cosima can slowly feel DYAD chipping away at her sanity.

Especially today, she’d wanted nothing more than to grab her things and run, run back to Toronto or wherever Sarah is now and to tell her that she was right, so right, that this was a stupid, stupid plan.

But she didn’t. Instead, she grit her teeth and remained at her station in the lab, her peripheral vision trained on the entrance so she would not miss Delphine coming back after being fetched by that bitch. But the thing was, Delphine didn’t return. Not for hours, until it was time for Cosima to leave, and she couldn’t stay without drawing suspicion. The entire time that Delphine was gone, her heart was hammering in her chest and it was just a little bit harder to breathe than it already was. She wants to claim that this is only because she had to worry that DYAD might have discovered their plan of infiltrating and spying on them from within, but the truth is that Cosima’s accelerated heart rate had nothing to do with her own safety (she’s dying, anyway, and maybe speeding up the process will spare her a lot of pain), and everything with the fact that she couldn’t be sure what they were doing to Delphine.

So when she opens the door to her apartment, weary from the day and ladden with research papers, her thoughts are still with what might have happened to the French scientist since she had been fetched by _Proclone_ (she refuses to call her anything else than that and _bitch_ unless she is at DYAD and has to talk to the woman directly), she doesn’t immediately pick up the sound. But when she does, Cosima pauses in taking off her coat, furrowing her brows before her heart drops and she is running towards the kitchen already.

Delphine is kneeling on the floor in front of the sink, her arms wrapped tightly around her middle as she keels over, a keening sound escaping her between sobs.

“Holy shit,” Cosima mutters, glad for not having removed her boots when she walks over to the other woman and finds a puddle of water filled with shards of glass next to her.

“Delphine, shit,” she says as she kneels down next to her and touches her shoulder, wanting to comfort and figure out who she has to kill first at this fucking place of moral bankruptcy, but Delphine lets out a loud sob and then her arms are around Cosima’s neck and she is hugging her, holding her so tightly that it gets even harder to breathe and suddenly, she doesn’t sound so anguished any more, more like, relieved, so Cosima lets her have that moment (and that’s totally not because she missed her so much and wanted nothing more than to bury her face in Delphine’s hair for hours now, totes not, nope) before she rubs her hands over the other woman’s arms.

“I need to breathe,” she tells her but to her surprise, Delphine shakes her head into her shoulder and her hold tightens again, breathless French falling from her lips. “Okay, yeah, I don’t speak French,” Cosima reminds her, trying to swallow and she finds the world starting to grow drim around the edges, “and I really, really need to breathe. You’re strangling me.”

“Oh sorry,” Delphine breathes and lets go, leaning back quickly. As Cosima draws a deep breath and tries to stop the cough that wells up in her throat from that, she feels the other woman’s hands take her face and Delphine kisses her forehead. It sends a shiver down her spine and makes her hands tingle (though that might be the oxygen deprivation, Cosima’s not so sure about that) and she mutters something else in French, words that Cosima knows by now, because she’s heard them being used a couple of times at DYAD, when they were being fake couple-y to keep them fooled and she demanded that Delphine translate whatever she was saying in those moments. It was just some cheesy terms of endearment, though “my heart” seems to be Delphine’s favorite, because she’s been using that a lot lately, and even now, when they’re all alone.

“I’m sorry,” the French woman finally says and lets go of her in favor of wiping at the tears on her face, her eyes falling on the mess she made earlier.

“Yeah, whatever,” Cosima brushes that away. She can deal with that, can deal with Delphine being a little too friendly and clinging to her (especially after she was so worried about her the whole day). But that still does not relieve the fear that washed over her when she found her like this. “What even was going on with you? That’s so totally not you,” Cosima shakes her head, more in an attempt to get rid of the images dancing in her head, of the fight in her old apartment and how desperate Delphine got then, how she was close to falling on her knees to beg Cosima to believe her, and the tears and desperation in her voice then.

But Delphine shakes her head, wiping away another tear as she gets up from the floor. She leaves Cosima kneeling in the kitchen and the scientist has to take a second to take another breath so she won’t explode at her.

The apartment DYAD provided them with is nice enough, and at least they have two bedrooms, though Cosima for once does not hesitate to follow Delphine into hers to find her blowing her nose.

“You disappeared for the whole day, I have no idea what happened, and when I come ho- here, I find you sobbing over a broken glass in the kitchen. And after you practically tried to strangle me, I think I have a right to know what is going on,” she demands, crossing her arms and getting ready for another fight. They do this a lot, fighting, about the stupidest things. Most of that is because whenever Delphine does not tell her everything, Cosima can feel her trust in the other woman slipping and starts wondering what else she might be keeping from her, and whose side the other scientist really is on.

Delphine shakes her head, worrying her lip again. Strangely enough, Cosima has never seen her do it at DYAD, so she figured it was just an act, something Delphine did to appear vulnerable to her. It just makes her even angrier, and Cosima is just about to yell at her when Delphine flops down onto her bed, her eyes trimmed on Cosima’s boots.

“They wanted me to do the autopsy,” she whispers, clenching her eyes shut as she covers her mouth with a trembling hand.

Cosima furrows her brows, suddenly feeling an emptiness settle over her heart. Oh no. No, no, that’s not, _NO_!

“I went with them, and I tried, but when I pulled back the sheet, all I saw was your face, and I couldn’t, I couldn’t do it. I told myself that it wasn’t you, that her name was Jennifer, but it didn’t matter. You weren’t there, I didn’t have you- Leekie, he saw my hands tremble and went to get someone else before he disappeared. I don’t know where he went. But that _bitch_ , she made me stay, and watch, _the whole time_. She just stood there, watching me, as if, as if that wasn’t someone that looked exactly like her on that table…”

As Delphine trails of, Cosima suddenly realizes how she’s stepped closer and rested her hands on the other woman’s shoulders. Delphine looks up at her, eyes brimming with tears again before she shakes her head and hides her face in Cosima’s blouse, arms wrapping around her waist.

“They didn’t tell me,” Cosima mutters, closing her eyes as she buries her hands in Delphine’s curls. “No one told me that Jennifer had died.”

Delphine makes a soft sound and her hold tightens, and Cosima feels her knees give out. She tries to warn Delphine, but the other woman pulls her closer and makes her land on herself, their feet dangling over the edge of the bed. Cosima rolls off Delphine, onto her side, and finds the other woman look at her, an expression in her eyes that does nothing to stop this stupid fluttering in her heart.

“I am so sorry, _chérie_ ,” she whispers and strokes her cheek, and suddenly, Cosima is so tired, of all of this, but especially of trying to keep Delphine at arm’s length, of trying to fool everyone, including herself, that they’re just putting on an act for DYAD, that she has no feelings for the other woman besides anger and betrayal.

So she leans in and kisses her. And Delphine kisses back, hungrily, as if she’d been starved, and truth be told, Cosima feels the same, but just as she starts going for the other woman’s belt, there are suddenly tears welling up in her eyes and then Cosima starts sobbing. She feels Delphine move even closer and she wraps her arms around her, a hand moving up and down her back as Cosima cries, because it suddenly hurts, _it hurts so much_.

“It’s okay,” Delphine tells her and Cosima wants to yell at her that it’s not, nothing is okay, because she’s a freak experiment of some deranged scientists that never paused to question if they really should do this even though they could. It’s not okay because DYAD has Kira and Mrs. S is still nowhere to be found and Sarah is on the run, running for her life, and Allison signed her life over to DYAD, and Delphine used to be one of them and Cosima cannot risk trusting her even though she wants to, and she’s dying, slowly dying from the same disease that claimed Jennifer. Happy, upbeat Jennifer that used to be so much like her, used to be so much like Cosima, all smiles and giggles and happiness until she wasn’t, and now she isn’t anything any more, except dead.

No, nothing is okay, and as Cosima curls in on herself, fingers clutching at the fabric of Delphine’s blouse, she knows that the other woman knows it, too.

_fin._


End file.
